Dear Dr. Monica,
Tanner is now with his friends in the spirit world. I could see in his eyes and in our conversation that he just wanted so much to be done with the pain. I took him last evening to the vet where he was painlessly and peacefully put down. He knew it was time and he let me know that he was ready. I took my bedspread with us and put it on the table while cuddling him in my arms and stroking his cheeks in our special way. He was doing something very strange after the first shot that told me everything that I needed to know. He kept his head up and kept looking to the left of me, to the right of me and then further off to the right. He kept looking at these three separate spots, again and again, until he was so overtaken by the medication that he finally laid his head down for the final time. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that his three friends were there to take him to heaven. It was so obvious what he was seeing. My heart today is in bad shape. The tears keep falling at random. There is no controlling it. My pain is so great. We buried him in our backyard this morning. Our whole family is truly in mourning. It’s hard right now. I would have never in a million years, in my wildest dreams ever thought that anything even close to what happened yesterday could have happened. It was a day that has forever changed me. It was without a doubt one of the worst days of my life, and at the same time one of the very, very best days. I feel so blessed to have the type of closure with Tanner that I have. I can sleep at night without any doubt that I fulfilled his final wishes — that he has no regrets and that he truly knew how much I deeply loved him, and to know that that love was just as deeply returned. Just when I didn’t think I could have loved Tanner more, surprisingly I have a whole new amazing love for him finding out what a noble and truly selfless being he was. He had so much dignity, he so easily found forgiveness and gave thanks. Wow, just to know that I actually got the chance to speak to Tanner, and at such a transitional time in his life, has forever changed me. Thank you and The Lord for your special gift. No words could express how much it means to me to finally connect with my best friend in a way I thought only possible in my wildest dreams. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Monique P. and Tanner